


What Might Have Been

by JackieNeedsMoreSleep



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 03:33:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9053500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackieNeedsMoreSleep/pseuds/JackieNeedsMoreSleep
Summary: Penny tests a new spell but it goes wrong when Baz comes in.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [@jayceart on tumblr](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=%40jayceart+on+tumblr).



> Ok! So this is my Carry On Secret Santa gift I made for @jayceart on tumblr. It's not holiday themed but i thought it was a good idea. Hope you like it. Sorry if there are any mistakes! Happy Holidays!

"Simon, are you sure you want to do this? It's fine if you don't, I can find someone else to help me."

"No Penny, I'm sure. Please." Penny sighed.

She had been trying to avoid using magic excessively around Simon ever since the incident. Normally, she would love to have someone to be a lab rat to test new spells on, but this was Simon.

Simon who used to have magic, but was normal now.

Simon who misses magic so much. Penny suspected that Simon wanted to help her purely to feel magic once more.

As much as she wanted to shelter Simon from getting hurt, she needed to test the spell she came up with, and she figured that this might be some closure for Simon. He never got to prepare to lose his magic, and he never got to experience magic one last time. Besides, she couldn't say no to her best friend when he was looking at her like he was desperate.

"Fine. But just this once, okay?"

"Yes, sure. Thanks Pen."

"Don't thank me yet. I'm testing a brand new spell Simon, this could be dangerous. It should be fine, I tried it on myself, but this is the first time casting it on someone else." Simon didn't answer, only nodded in response.

"So this spell is fairly simple. I'll say What Might Have Been, and you have to think of a time that you would like to see other possible outcomes to. It has to be a past experience, I haven't found a twist in the language to predict the future yet." Penny explained.

"Ok." Simon nodded again, but this time he seemed more impatient. Penny rolled her eyes.

"What are you going to focus on?" She asked.

"Uh...um. What about when I first met you?"

"Sounds good to me. Focus on that and I'll cast the spell now." Simon did as he was told. He thought of seeing Penny when he was a first year. Then, of when she helped him with his magic in class.

Simon expected to see another outcome like Penny walking up to him to be friends with him without needing his pathetic magic to bring them together.

And Penny, well Penny expected to have their flat to themselves.

Neither expected Baz to walk in with a tea and a croissant in his hands.

"Here Snow, I got you food on my way back from-" The timing was unfortunate. Right when Baz walked in, Penny had cast the spell.

" **What Might Have Been!** " It was too late for the spell to work as planned. When Baz came home from Uni earlier than expected, Simon had turned to look at him, and thoughts of Baz replaced the memory of meeting Penny. Simon couldn't help but be distracted.

_Baz._

_Baz was home early._

_He brought me food._

_He's cute._

_But he's also a prat._

_He'll always be a prat._

_I'll still like him though._

_What is he doing here?_

Suddenly, Simon was overwhelmed. He saw flashes of light and fragments of outcomes to multiple situations. It was a mess. Like if someone could gather random thoughts and throw them together without a care.

"If you plan on crying like a child often, you might want to consider purchasing one of these." Baz's voice was there. Simon heard it, but it was higher pitched. Simon could see images, no, not images, memories fade into existance before him. He saw Baz first. He was young. First year. His dark hair was slicked back and he had his chin up, sneering at a younger version of Simon. For a moment, Simon thought it was the humdrum, but when his hand reached to his hip for the sword of mages, it wasn't there and he was reminded of what was happening.

Baz tossed a hankerchief with the Pitch coat of arms down on Simon's bed. Simon didn't look at it beside him, he just kept crying. Tears were soaking his cheeks and he kept taking short breaths. At first, Simon could only focus on his younger self. He was seeing how he had looked back then and he was a wreck. Simon breathed in. He wasn't mad at Baz for this anymore. He wasn't mad at his Baz. But that didn't mean the old hurt didn't come back.

"Such an arse." Simon muttered and turned to glare at young Baz who had walked towards the door as if to leave. Simon thought he was going to. He remembered laying down to bury his face in his pillow when Baz was out of sight.

Young Baz stopped and peeked behind him to see his Simon looking at his feet. Simon was caught off guard by the look on Baz's face. When Baz saw his Simon seeming utterly destroyed, Baz mirrored him. Simon could see that Baz regretted what he said. Baz felt so guilty. And sorry. Baz looked like he would do anything to make Simon feel better.

Baz took a breath, then came back over and sat down beside young Simon. He took his hankerchief and wiped at Simon's cheek. Young Simon was startled and moved to push Baz's hand away, but Baz put an arm around his back and pulled him close. "I'm sorry. I'm really stupid. I'm sorry Snow."

Seeing young Baz whispering apologies to him was shocking. Simon's jaw was practically on the floor.

Young Simon didn't fight Baz, only slumped into him as he tried to calm down. Baz was rubbing his hand slowly on Simon's back and gently shushing him. Just as Simon started to calm down, the vision was starting to end. The scene in front of Simon started to ripple as if someone had dropped a rock into water. Before Simon was transported to the next vision, he could see little Simon and Baz hugging each other and not looking like they were letting go anytime soon.

For a split second, Simon was blinded by a bright light, as if someone had taken a picture of him with the flash on. When he took in what just happened, he realized he was in the catacombs at Watford. He saw that he was in the middle of the stairs leading down to the tombs and took a step forward. Every step felt familiar. He kept walking until he came across the room that held Le Tombeau des Enfants. He could see himself facing Baz, but Baz had his back turned away.

"Why do you insist on stalking me, Snow?"

"I'm not. I'm making sure you aren't plotting anything."

"Well I'm not. I came down here to speak with my mother. Don't worry, I can't plot to bring down the mage with her, she's dead!" Baz shouted.

Both Simons took a sharp intake of breath. He remembered this argument. 5th year. Simon had followed Baz around all night and when Baz caught him, they fought.

"I didn't- I mean...I..." Young Simon stuttered. Baz ignored him. When he turned to leave, Simon could see tears threatening to run down his cheeks.

"Wait!-" Simon called.

"Leave me alone!" Baz screamed as he stormed back to stand right in front of Simon. Baz was crying, but he looked angrier than Simon had ever seen him. Young Simon didn't notice how Baz's eyes narrowed or how a crease appeared between his brows. He didn't see how Baz's eyes flicked down to look at his lips, how he clenched his hands to make fists before rolling his eyes.

Simon could see now that he look conflicted, like he could kiss him or strangle him. He'd ask Baz about that when he got back.

Baz was supposed to storm off. He left Simon feeling guilty in the catacombs. But this version didn't follow that plot.

Baz had grabbed Simon's hair and pulled him close to kiss him. Young Simon's face was priceless. It lasted only a second, then Baz was running up to their room leaving behind his roommate who looked like he had just seen a ghost.

Once again, Simon was blinded by that bright light. He cursed and wished he could at least prepare for it. This time, instead of the scene fading into reality around him, he was thrown to the ground. When he looked up, he saw a chimera. The chimera Baz had sicked on him in 3rd year. Then, he turned his head and saw Baz to his right, screaming at him.

"Snow! Come on! Fucking unleash already!"

"I can't!" A voice said from behind Simon. It was himself again. This time, he was covered in dirt and looking quite panicked.

"Shit!" Baz said before he took off in a run to get farther away. Unfortunately, he tripped and fell to the ground. Simon could see his younger self start to panic and his edges got blurry. He was going off.

"No, don't! You are feeding the humdrum!" Simon shouted, but his 3rd year self couldn't hear him and kept going off. Simon tilted his head back and pressed the heel of his palms to his forehead and tangled his fingers in his hair in frustration. When he looked back, he saw that small Simon had taken down the chimera and had run over to help Baz back up to his feet.

"Baz, are you ok?" Simon asked as he grabbed Baz's arm to pull him up. When Baz was standing, he nodded but didn't let go of Simon's arm. Magic was still buzzing around them, but was starting to dissipate. Both boys stood still, staring at each other. They took deep breaths in silence and Simon watched the scene amazed. Baz slowly moved his hand to hold Simon's, and Simon just let him. Simon scoffed as 3rd year Simon and Baz walked back to the school hand in hand and he imagined the sun setting as they left the scorched section of grass on the great lawn. He had been watching too many cheesy movies with his stupid vampire boyfriend.

In an instant, everything turned black and he was left to stand in what seemed like a pitch dark room. Simon thanked Merlin that he didn't see that white light again. He rubbed his eyes when he thought of that unpleasant experience, and when he opened his eyes, he was back in his flat, on the floor with Penny and Baz leaning over him.

"Simon?" Said Baz.

"Are you ok?" Penny asked.

"My head hurts." Simon replied.

"Well, you fainted when the spell took affect." Penny explained softly. "What happened?"

"A lot." Simon tried to sit up and Baz put his hands on his back and shoulders to slow him down and to keep him upright. Simon pulled himself up and he held Baz in a tight hug. He felt fine, save for a headache from hitting his head off the floor, but needed to hold Baz anyway. He missed him. Penny said he had only been passed out for a few minutes, but it felt like so much longer.

After giving him a chance to relax and drink some tea, Penny started questioning him.

"So what was the experience like? Did it play out like a movie? That's how it is supposed to work. What about the transitions from reality to visions, were they smooth fading in and out?"

"No, it was a bunch of stuff spliced together with camera flashes between them. And absolutely not. I got thrown around. And they weren't consistant either."

"Huh. What about the possible outcomes? Do you feel like they were in order of most probable to least probable?"

"Uh no. Well, there were multiple situations and I only saw one outcome for each."

"That's probably the most probable outcome, aside from what actually happened. And if I had to guess, I would say that you only saw one possible ending because you weren't focusing on one thing when the spell was cast."

Simon felt like correcting her.

_Actually, I was focusing on Baz._

But he knew that wasn't her point.

"Focus is key." Penny wrote down in her notes. Simon only just realized she was taking notes. She wrote in pen in a small purple notebook.

"So, there are no lasting side effects?" She asked.

"No, I'm fine." Simon replied. Baz scoffed but didn't comment.

"I'll have to try testing this on Micah when I visit him this weekend since there were complications this time. Maybe I'll develop another spell while I'm in America. While you were out cold, I thought of Expect The Unexpected. That might be the one to predict the future!" Penny saw Simon's eyes grow wide at her comment.

"Of course I won't be trying that on you Simon. You should rest now."

"Damn right. Come on Snow, I'll tuck you into bed." Simon rolled his eyes but followed Baz to his bed. Simon climbed into bed and Baz snuggled up in the covers beside him. Baz turned on his side to face Simon. When Simon rolled over to him, Baz reached up move a bronze curl off his face. Then his hand searched for Simon's under the blanket and when he found it, Baz squeezed gently,

"Go to sleep, Simon. You've had a long day." Simon didn't fight him, instead listened and started to drift off to sleep. Just before sleep took him, he squeezed Baz's hand, to feel Baz's rough hands in his own, and smiled a bit because now he knew that Baz had loved him since the beginning.


End file.
